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5 Turnoffs That Make Good Men Leave Great Women …

April 7, 2010

Are you one of the many single women in the world who would make an AMAZING PARTNER for a man…. but can’t even find a decent date?

Do you ever feel like it’s impossible to understand what a man is thinking when it comes to “dating” and relationships?

Do you ever wish that you could just skip the “games” and the uncertainty that come with dating and get straight to something REAL?

If so, I want to share with you a few important ways to stop missing out on the love and connection you’re looking for… and start finding and creating what you want with a man. There’s something I want to know about you first, though.

I wonder how often this has happened to you:

…. You meet a man you find attractive and you go out on a date… The date goes better than you imagined, and you find him even more interesting and desirable than you thought you would.

You feel great around him and the conversation flows.
You both connect with each other and have all kinds of unbelievable things in common.

The more time you spend with him, the more you become excited about where things could go… and that you’ve finally met a man who’s fun, attractive AND who actually seems open and healthy as a person.

To top it off, the chemistry you share is AMAZING… and you share a steamy good-night kiss that proves it.
You can tell he’s feeling it, too. This is something more than just another date. It’s more than two people spending time together…  This is something special and real…..  That’s why you can’t help yourself…

Before you even hear from him again, you’re telling your girlfriends all about him, what a great time you had, what it’s like when you’re together… and when you’re going to see each other next.

You’re VERY excited about your new man.
You imagine introducing him to your friends.
You even allow yourself a fantasy or two about all the fun things you’ll do together in the weeks to come and what your life together could be like.

You have a GREAT FEELING about this.

Best of all, he’s calling you, emailing, and he wants to see you all the time. And he’s not only attractive and charming – it turns out he’s a really good person, too. After a few more dates you’re intimate with him because you feel so comfortable together. And the sex is AMAZING.

Things are going so great that you say to yourself, “At last! A real man I truly connect with. I better not screw this up!”
But just then you realize how much he is starting to mean to you… and in the back of your mind it kind of freaks you out.

And it’s then that the dating and relationship nightmares from your past flash back in your mind…
You don’t want to feel the pain you felt in the past ever again… and you start to feel afraid that the same things could happen again.

Your mind races with fear and anxiety.

But to keep it together you put faith in the situation and in this man. You tell yourself that it’s different this time, and that he isn’t one of those other guys.

And to make sure things keep moving forward in the right direction, you start trying a little harder with him to get it right this time.

You do all kinds of nice things for him.
You make the effort to find out all about him, understand him, and help him out with the things that are going on for him in his life. You even start to do things like favors, errands, etc., just because you want him to know how much you care and to be close to him.

In the back of your mind you really hope he’ll recognize all the great things you’re doing for him, and how amazing you and your relationship can be.

With all you’re doing for him and your relationship, he’d be crazy not to want to be with you. But after a few more dates, suddenly something starts to feel WRONG…  That same easy and free way of loving and being with each other suddenly feels different. You realize how much you’re doing for him and all the ways you’re trying… and suddenly it hits you – He isn’t making much of an effort to do anything for you or your relationship.

Not the way you are with him.
Then you realize that he’s been calling you less than he used to.
He doesn’t seem as excited to be with you and share his thoughts and feelings as he used to be at first.
He even stops making much in the way of plans, and starts doing a lot of other things he wasn’t doing before.

And since you don’t want to keep calling him, you wait for his call… hoping he’ll make weekend plans with you.
But Thursday comes, and then Friday, and still no call.

Your worst fears are starting to be realized. But you don’t want to overreact.
So even though you’re hurt and upset that he didn’t call you… you want to be with him, so you reluctantly call him.
You tell yourself there must be a good reason and that he’s been busy or something.

When you finally get a hold of him, he doesn’t even sound like the same guy.

He talks like he hardly knows you and you’ve never been close.
You try to be casual and ask him what he’s been doing, but you want to know what he’s been doing and why he hasn’t called you.

Then you find out he’s been going out and doing things with friends and other people.

Arggggh! He didn’t even invite you! Wait a minute…
Aren’t you two an “item”? Shouldn’t you be doing something TOGETHER on weekends and in your free time?

You start feeling really FRUSTRATED and CONFUSED.
Maybe he doesn’t see what’s going on, so you decide to let him know how you feel and “call him on it.”
You tell him how upset you felt that he didn’t ask you to hang out with him and his friends.
And you ask him what’s going on, and why he’s being this way with you.

But he doesn’t respond the way you’d want or expect him too.

Instead of listening to you and your feelings… he gets irritated and ANGRY with you. As though you’re “hassling” him.

After some arguing and back and forth, he seems to shift gears in the conversation and says something that really makes your heart SINK.

Something that you had a gut FEELING you’d hear from him with this going on – He tells you, “Look… you’re great, but the truth is that I’m not ready or in the right place for any kind of ‘serious’ relationship right now.”

And he goes on to tell you about all the things going on in his life that are taking up his time and energy… and that he doesn’t know how to settle down right now.

Ouch.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT!?

Why is he acting like you’re going to get in the way of the rest of his life?
Why did he ask you out in the first place, and spend all that time sharing himself, being with you, and connecting with you if he didn’t want a relationship all along?

Couldn’t he have told you that when you first met, instead of asking you out?

Why did he spend all that time with you and sleep with you if he didn’t want to be with you?
And how come he doesn’t recognize or appreciate all the things you bring to his life, and all the things that you do for him?

At this point, you feel incredibly hurt, frustrated, unappreciated, and misunderstood.
You even become intensely UPSET and ANGRY with him, and with yourself. How could you have misunderstood what was happening and not have seen this coming!?

Why did he do all the things he did, and why did he SAY all those things that made you think HE
WANTED a relationship with you?

Now, if you’ve experienced a situation like this with a man before… then I really feel for you.
It SUCKS.

If you want to learn how to avoid this kind of situation in the first place in your future, and you’d prefer to have a man “pursuing” and “courting” you… then you need to read “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”.

It will help you know what to do when a great guy who you share a real connection, chemistry, and attraction with PULLS AWAY from you just as you start to get closer and a little more “serious.”

To learn how, when and why a man will start to naturally RESIST a relationship with a woman the more intense the feelings between him and her are… and to know exactly what to do to keep your relationship growing and moving forward without his FEAR and RESISTANCE getting in the way, go get my Book.

Now, back to our story and this frustratingly common situation women run into with men.
In the story above, for lots of women the story doesn’t end there when the man says he’s not ready for anything serious.

Why? …
Because they either don’t want to listen to the man… or they refuse to believe him.
And then what happens?
Some women actually go on to spend the next few weeks or maybe even MONTHS doing everything they can to try and win the guy back.

They think that if they can just get him to stop ignoring what it is that they share, and to not be afraid… that the guy will “come to his senses” and come back to them.

WRONG!

If you’ve ever been in this situation, or known a woman who was, here are the 5 most common ways women respond that don’t work and push men away or turn them off for good:

1) Pretending
you don’t want anything serious either and keep on sleeping with the man “casually” in hopes that things will grow from the “physical relationship”

2) Staying close
to him by trying to become his “best friend” as you help him in his life and with
his problems – all the while imagining the “payoff” of a real relationship for your good deeds once he recognizes how great you are

3) Trying to make him jealous
by telling him you’re seeing other guys, even if you’re not. Or going out with other guys and doing things with them not because you like them, but because you want him to find out and want you back

4) Getting pissed off at him and telling him he’s dumb, immature, and acting like a little BOY… and that he’s just scared of a real relationship and a commitment – and then trying to get him to have a relationship with you to “fix” himself

5) Trying to make him interested in you by complimenting him, doing nice things for him, taking up things he’s interested in to be around him… and being available to him at anytime he should show interest. This is kind of like trying to be his “best friend,” but different since it’s often still sexual.

Now, I’m guessing that you recognized at least one of these responses as you were reading through them.

As you read yours, you probably thought “Oh no, that was me!”… and now you see your behavior in a slightly different light.

In fact, maybe you see you’ve made a couple of these mistakes with men. Here’s the thing…
None of these responses ever work with men.

EVER.
Feel free to ask your girlfriends and your guy friends if you don’t believe me.
Doing these things with a man is like instant MAN-REPELLENT.

But, strangely enough, even though these universally don’t get men to respond in any positive way… these are still the most common ways that women who don’t understand men and dating respond.

Which begs me to ask the question…

Why do so many women make these same mistakes in the first place? And why are these so universally common?
The short answer is this – If a woman makes these kinds of mistakes with men, it’s NOT because she “learned” it by seeing it work for other women with other men.

Absolutely not…  It’s because she does WHAT MAKES SENSE to HER in the moment.

But guess what?
If you’ve spent enough time around men, then you’ve probably discovered that men DON’T MAKE MUCH SENSE.

See where I’m going here?

If you try and use what makes sense to YOU as a woman with a man… odds are you’re going to get very poor results.
Which means…

If you want to start getting better outcomes and results when it comes to men, and you want to be able to communicate with a man in a way that brings him closer…

Then you’re going to have to learn to STOP doing what makes “sense” to you…

And START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in you.

In other words… the biggest challenge most women run into when it comes to “breaking through” to men and getting past the surface dating stuff and into a real relationship with a real man is not being able to see past their own MINDSET and the approach they’ve been using that hasn’t worked.

If you have the wrong mindset, and thus the wrong approach when it comes to men and dating… then it practically guarantees you’re going to fail from the very beginning.

Seriously.

But if you can learn to understand how your mindset affects how you interpret and respond to a man

And you can start to get the kind of PERSPECTIVE or AWARENESS that will lead you to knowing what’s really going on with a man, and how to respond…

Then things are quickly and naturally going to fall into place for you.

By the way, if you’d like to learn from what I honestly think is one of the world’s best resources for quickly understanding how men think, discovering what attracts them, and shifting your mindset and perspective for easy and effortless success… I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you check out my eBook “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”

Now, here’s the other important question to ask now that we’ve identified some of the common mistakes women make with men…

WHY don’t these responses and ways of communicating and dealing with men work? Even though at the time responding this way makes absolute sense?
Because they all have one terrible thing in common…
They are all deadly forms of what I call APPROVAL-SEEKING BEHAVIOR.
Ok, so what does that mean?

And why is it such a terrible thing when it comes to men, dating, attraction, and having a man see you as the kind of woman he really wants to be with?

Good question…

I’m going to try and make a long and complicated story very short here to show you what approval seeking behavior is, and why it’s such a GIANT MISTAKE with men…

See, men have all kinds of ways of thinking, seeing things, and behaviors that aren’t completely conscious – but are what I’ll call more BIOLOGICAL or INSTINCTUAL.

These are things that have been instilled in them over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women.

When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely UNCONSCIOUS.

In other words, a man can’t and won’t just walk up to a woman and say,

“Hi, I’m looking for a mate. I’d like to know if you would make a good mate for me. Are you any of the following?

-Physically fit and healthy so you can conceive a healthy child, give birth, and raise him/her?

-“Genetically fit” so that you have a high likelihood to bear successful offspring by passing off great qualities like size, strength, intelligence, immunity, etc?

-Intelligent, “funny”, and resourceful so that you can not only be a mate that makes me feel attracted to you and want to conceive lots of children… but also help in this world of hard- to-come-by resources?

-Going to make a great mother who can care for our child and raise it while I’m out trying to “provide”?

Catch my drift?

This is part of the reason why so often a woman will ask a man why he’s feeling one way or another… or why he’s acting different or not interested in a relationship and he can’t explain it.

It’s just the way he FEELS.
Either he FEELS ATTRACTED. Or he doesn’t.

Of course, these “biological buttons” aren’t the only thing going on inside a man’s mind.

Men do have more CONSCIOUS processes for the way they choose a woman, and for the way they feel.

If trying to cram all this into your head and understand what it means, and how to respond to all these things while trying to have a real conversation with a man seems ridiculous and daunting to you – it should.

The reality is that you can’t sit and think to yourself… “Gee, I’d like him to think I’d make a good mate who could rear successful and healthy children, I’ll tell him about how healthy me and my family are.”

It just doesn’t work that way.

A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

-Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

-Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of
your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they FEEL ATTRACTED to these things for some reason.

-“Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

To find out all the things that truly interest and attract men… as well as the more subtle and complex things that make a man become EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman it could take a long time to figure out.

It could take you literally years of research, of failed relationships, and of trying different things.

And even then you might not arrive at what is really going on with men, and how to make a relationship come together and work.

If you’re single after all these years, and you still don’t have the knowledge and the confidence that comes from truly knowing how to approach and handle men, dating, and relationships… then you know what I mean.

Now I want to share what I’ve learned with you… and help you the way I’ve helped literally thousands of other women.

If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and COMMITMENT PROCESS is like inside a man’s mind
seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and
when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed
relationship
is simply different than it is for most women.

If you don’t understand where a man is at, you don’t know how to read the signs, and most importantly… if you don’t know WHAT TO DO in each situation, then your odds of creating what you want with a man, and him wanting it with you are very slim.

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his “EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE” to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where THE MAN is leading the woman into a committed relationship.

Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.

But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.
For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitmentt process works for him

2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

So don’t wait for your relationship to figure itself out if you’re in one.

Don’t wait for a man to figure it out and make your relationship work for you.

Don’t wait until you’re dating the right guy and in a great relationship to learn how to help it grow and make it work with him.

Make it happen now.
So don’t wait. Make the rest of your love life easier, more fun, and less frustrating …

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