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What Makes A Man Connect With YOU?…

April 13, 2010

I’m going to share some powerful strategies with you that are going to change the way you think about men and how attraction works. I’m going to tell you exactly what WORKS and WHAT DOESN’T when it comes to making a man to
feel an intense level of attraction for you…the kind that makes him want to have a deeper,  loving connection with you.

I’m going to tell you what things you’ve  probably been doing that you should AVOID at all costs, because they’re attraction KILLERS…

And I’m going to give you some tips on what to do to make yourself totally irresistible to a man. But first, I’d like to tell you a sad little  story… It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar.

Don’t be alarmed. Once, there was a woman who was very attracted  to a particular man. At first, he was just another good-looking  guy… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel drawn to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment. But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure. Why? … Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he  felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the  “friendship” stage. There was an occasional glance, an occasional  email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and maybe even shared a secret or two with her. But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was  “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend,  but at times, even more distant than a friend would be. And things seemed to run hot and cold.  Sometimes he would call her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off” by starting conversations or asking him if he was  interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT,  that he would feel the same way. So she made a bold move. She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know  that she wanted to be with him. He seemed to respond well to this, and they  even kissed and spent time alone and she felt  like some sort of “breakthrough” had finally happened.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her. This only confused the woman more. She didn’t know how to take it… Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a  long-term relationship? Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough  or really explained everything she was thinking  and feeling?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him. She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote  him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened. Either he didn’t reply at all…. (Ouch!) Or he didn’t respond in the way she had hoped. In fact, he seemed IRRITATED by her, and maybe  even a little angry…(double ouch!)

When she tried to get in touch with him after that, he told her he couldn’t talk right now, that he was in the middle of something and he’d “call  you back a little later.”

But DAYS went by, and he never called. Over the following months, the woman tried  desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story? Makes you want to break out the Kleenex,  doesn’t it? That story is timeless. It resonates with so many women. There is something important for a woman to know…. a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

And that is, that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share  love will BACKFIRE.  In other words, they not only DON’T WORK- they can actually make things WORSE.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman  feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good. Why does it have to be so hard, right?

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how  this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this  painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

AVOID THE COMMMON “WEAK” STRATEGIES THAT  DON’T WORK

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others… Just because we WANT to communicate something to others, doesn’t necessarily mean  that it’s going to be perceived the same way.

For example, have you ever seen a woman who  dresses over-the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up? She probably dresses that way because she  thinks she’s showing off how “hot” she is, but  you may have thought that isn’t exactly the  message that everyone is getting.

Yeah, I’ve thought that too in those  situations. Well, here’s the deal: As human beings we develop certain “strategies” for dealing with fearful situations where  REJECTION is a big risk.

In the case of the woman who dresses  over-the-top, maybe her strategy is to make up for her insecurities about her true worth by  pushing out all the stops when it comes to her makeup and clothes.

The same goes for the strategies for attracting the opposite sex. Women develop certain strategies that they THINK are going to work to get the man’s interest and attention.

But if the man isn’t ATTRACTED to you to begin  with, or if it’s not the right time and place, none of these strategies are going to work. Even worse, they are going to BACKFIRE and  trigger an intense DISCOMFORT in the man.

So let me tell you a little bit about these  common strategies that so many women use, that rarely, if ever work to get a man. The first strategy is what I call “BRIBERY.”

It’s when a woman tries to “be nice” by buying him a big gift or doing something nice to show him how much she thinks about him. You know, like helping him solve some personal  or work problem without him asking. Or running  errands for him or offering to do something for  him that takes up a lot of her time or energy.

But let me clarify here so you really get it… If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them, they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you  want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Usually when bribery doesn’t work, women break down and engage in the second common strategy.

I call this one “CONVINCING.” This is when you tell a man how you really feel about him and how much you want to be with him in  hopes that he will “see the light” and proclaim  his feelings for you too. This is like the woman in the story at the beginning of this e-mail. The one who was pining away for a man who had no  interest in her romantically… so she pushed and convinced until he disappeared out of her life for good.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy. This can also happen when you ask him: “How do you feel about me?”

And…

“Do you want to be with me?”

In your mind, this is how it’s going to go: You like him… You tell him you like him… He likes you. If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then again, it’s probably going to backfire.

I mean, men know when they are getting “vibes” that a woman is into them. And for the most part,  they feel it’s harmless and maybe even mildly flattering. But when you start PURSUING him and  talking about how you feel, you create NEGATIVE TENSION.

So if he’s NOT already into you, it’ll go like this: He thinks of you as a friend…  You tell him you like him… He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws.

And finally, the third strategy is what I call the “FREE SEX” strategy. Another name for this is “friends with benefits.” You’re using sex to try to “make” a man feel it for you.  After all, the more you’re with him that way,  the deeper your feelings get for him.

So why shouldn’t it work the same way for HIM, right? Wrong. The reality is that men can often be physically intimate with a woman and not even be THINKING “relationship” at all. To him, it’s just sex, it’s fun and feels nice, and if he’s NOT feeling real emotional attraction for you, he’ll disappear as soon as you start asking for anything deeper or  “real.”

Like a relationship. Or what he’s feeling about  YOU.

So tell me, do you recognize yourself in any of these situations? And are you seeing now why what you were doing wasn’t working?

So why would a man back away from a woman just because she’s being nice, doing him favors, paying him compliments and maybe even being physically  affectionate with him?

I’ll tell you.  It’s because of what you’re REALLY communicating with your words and actions.

Because these strategies are coming from a position of FEAR and WEAKNESS, they are saying something about you that you NEVER intended. Yes… I hate to say it, but they also communicate that you’re desperate or needy, even if you never considered yourself that way.

And when a man senses that about you, he  doesn’t feel that you’re someone unique or special. He won’t feel that you’re someone worth pursuing or thinking about because he’ll subconsciously consider you as “lower” in status than he is.

So how do you communicate in a way to let a man know that you are, in fact, special and rare? First, you start with some very important  mindset …

IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL BELIEFS THAT CREATE ATTRACTION

There are certain “mindsets” that women who are naturally successful in love have that draw men’s attention and interest.

These beliefs or “mindsets” trigger a very powerful response in a man. It tells him that this is a woman who is self-assured and knows what she wants and how to get it.

These beliefs also communicate that the woman is “higher status” and thus naturally compel a man to think she’s unique and someone worth his time and attention.

In other words, these are the “attitudes” a woman projects which make her irresistible to a man.

It’s what a woman is saying without actually saying it at all. She says it with her body language, with the way she carries herself and the way she behaves inside a relationship.

They’re BELIEFS because a woman actually believes these to be true about herself and her life. You can’t just “wing it” unfortunately. Here are just a few:

>>I don’t let a man determine what I want/will  have in my love-life.

This kind of woman won’t “settle” for a man who isn’t giving her what she wants and needs, emotionally.

>>I’d move on and leave a man before I’d let him ruin my life.

This woman won’t stay in a relationship that’s abusive, degrading or morally questionable. She also won’t put up with bad behavior from a man.  Integrity and trust are important to her, and she lets him know that.

>>I wouldn’t keep a man from doing the things he enjoys.

She knows that her man is an adult who has the right to make his own choices. She respects his  “freedom” and his need to pursue his goals and dreams.

And that’s just for starters… I’m just skimming the surface of what strategies and attitudes WORK to create intense attraction with a man.

The kind of attraction that guarantees he’s not going to “get weird” on you when you let him know
how you’re feeling…because he’ll be feeling the  same way. And he’s going to want you to know how much he’s “into you” for a change. Wouldn’t it feel great to have the guy you’re  so attracted to be interested in something  meaningful and “real” with you, too?

If your “love strategy” hasn’t been too  successful lately, it’s time to stop feeling bad  about yourself and your love life. It’s time to finally do what I know WORKS to attract and keep a man.

Not sure? Read my Book …

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