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Is He’s Drifting Away … and How to Pull Him Back !

July 22, 2010

Has a man ever told you he loved you, or let on that he was utterly taken with you  after just a few dates?

If so, on one hand it probably felt flattering… After all, he must have felt something special for you to act this way. But on the other hand, you have to ask yourself-how do you know you can trust what he’s saying, and that what he feels is real and will LAST?

For a man, “dating” a woman and loving her  company in the first few weeks or months is NOT a guarantee that he’ll want a long-term relationship.

Maybe your last relationship started out this way- where the man seemed completely smitten with you at first… but then things quickly fell apart  when it came time for something “real” to evolve  and grow between you.

The thing is, when it comes to a committed and long-term relationship, a man will choose to commit to a woman on his own timeline, and for his own reasons.

A man WON’T commit because you told him he should, or because it’s been however many months you’ve been dating, or because he’s got to settle down eventually or else.

If you made the mistake of trying to progress in your relationship with a man by talking about these kinds of things I just mentioned, it’s time you realized something important-Talking about the weeks and months of your  relationship as “proof” that you should be  together and have more is the language of the  MIND, and it won’t get you anywhere with a man.

On the other hand… When a man feels and knows inside on an EMOTIONAL level that you are the only one for him because of the way you interact with him- this is the language of his HEART.

Are you connecting with a man through the things that will lead his HEART into wanting more with  you? Or are you hopelessly trying to convince his MIND  that he should want more, because you’re sensing he might not? You probably already know that a man can start to “freak out” on you and pull away when you tell him you want your relationship to grow and progress.

Don’t let this accidentally happen to you, as it does for so many other women. If you want to finally know:

-WHY it is a guy will do and say everything to get close to you at first… but then RUN when it comes time to commit.

-WHAT it is that both ATTRACTS a man to want more than just something “casual” with a woman

-HOW to go about creating these feelings of DESIRE and APPRECIATION inside the man your with so that he’ll be begging you to commit and stay close to him…

 

Is your relationship in jeopardy or under stress because of constant disagreements and arguments with your man where he doesn’t seem to listen or care?

Are you worried that you can’t seem to reach any common ground because every time you bring up what you’re feeling or what you want, he gets IRRITATED with you?

As if YOU are the one with the problem? As if you are wrong to disagree with him about  anything, or wrong to say how you feel about  something? If you’re like most sensible women, then all  you really want is a little UNDERSTANDING.

I know how painful and frustrating it can be when the ONLY thing that seems to be getting in  the way of a close and lasting connection with your man is some recurring misunderstandings.

If only he could see things from your perspective, you KNOW it could turn things around in your relationship.

After all, you used to be close and loving in the beginning, but something has changed and now  you seem to be fighting about the same things or stupid things… over and over. I am about to show you how to STOP this destructive cycle dead in it’s tracks.

You see – there is something going on at the  CORE of your situation that you aren’t 100% aware of and can’t put your finger on just yet… but  it’s the one thing that’s at the heart of why  there is so much misunderstanding taking place in your relationship.

Some women will do whatever it takes to try and get this one thing back when they sense it’s not there. Some will tell a man everything is “OK” when it  isn’t, or they’ll say they “don’t care” when they  really and truly DO. Some will put aside their own needs in order to keep this strong.

Most women aren’t happy unless this one thing they can only sense on an intuitive level is  there. Do you know what that one thing is? I’m talking about the CONNECTION you share with a man.

You can try and talk, reason, and plead with a man to improve or change things in your  relationship…

But if the CONNECTION you’ve been sharing isn’t  there, or there’s something going on underneath  the surface…something that is a result of things in the past… then there’s no way you’re going to have that free and easy feeling where you both know things are right between you.

Consider this: How often have you felt “off” because you had  a disagreement with a man and he left in an
withdrawn, sullen mood?

I am willing to bet that despite putting on a “happy face” to your friends and co-workers, you  worried about what was going on a LOT.

You worried that something about the way you related to each other was going to be  permanently damaged, and that your love was at stake.

And, most importantly, you didn’t feel right inside until you could resolve things and “talk”  it over.

Now you’re starting to get what I’m talking about when I say the word CONNECTION.

It’s because of the need and desire for an open and “flowing” connection that lots of women  make a critical mistake in the way they  communicate with the man in their life. How does this happen?

The short version is that when something happens that makes them feel DISCONNECTED from their man, they get disoriented and frustrated emotionally.

And as this happens, they either:

A) Lose their composure and come unglued- not so much because of what’s happened is so bad, but  because of the bad FEELING they have inside as a result of feeling disconnected.

Or…

B) They don’t SPEAK UP right away when something  feels “off” or if they need a different response  from a man IN THE MOMENT… and a strange feeling starts to build inside them until it comes out  later in a way that causes the man to get upset and completely withdraw instead of listening to you.

For example, has a man ever told you of some plans he had to hang out with his friends, or  travel somewhere by himself for whatever reason, and you PRETENDED to be perfectly “ok” with it  because you didn’t want to seem “needy?”

Maybe you hadn’t been seeing each other much  lately, and maybe he’d been distant, and maybe
you needed him to WANT to connect with you and  make plans with you…but you didn’t say a word
to him about the way you felt.

Because you didn’t want to upset him by admitting that you really needed MORE from him
than he was giving you.

That’s right, you didn’t want to appear weak or needy and you thought you could just deal with it.

So you said nothing, and he went on his trip  or out for the evening.

But then later, when he came back…

BAM!!

All those hurt, angry feelings came exploding out even though you didn’t really know they were
there… and maybe you fought over everything BUT what was REALLY bothering you.

So in a way, you STILL avoided telling him  that it bothered you that he made plans without
including you, because you were still protecting  the connection (and your ego).

The reality is, if you don’t find a way to both share your REAL FEELINGS, and do it in a
way that makes your man open up… you won’t be  able to really “RECONNECT” with him.

And what you feel and later let slip will only create MORE resentment and contempt between you both.

And that equals even MORE bickering and tension in the future.

Not good. So how do you break the cycle?

I’m about to give you 2 secrets that will  improve the way you communicate and stop the  downward spiral of fighting TODAY…

SECRET #1: CREATING A “SAFE SPACE” TO COMMUNICATE  YOUR NEEDS AND FEELINGS

Women are often convinced that they can’t be  honest or talk to their man about what they feel
or what they want because it will cause conflict  in some way.

In a way, they’re right.

A woman will wait and wait for the “right moment” to bring up a painful subject, tell the
man she’s upset, and inevitably the man responds  by getting irritated and angry instead of being
understanding and empathetic.

Unfortunately, too many women end up learning from this situation- but learn the WRONG LESSON.

Too many women end up believing that sharing  their feelings was the wrong thing to do.

And they learn that next time, it’s better to  keep their feelings to themselves and not say
anything.

WRONG.

This only feeds the ugly monster of miscommunication and DISCONNECTION.

Here’s something you may not know about men,  or even agree with, but it’s true…

Men absolutely WANT you to be honest and  straightforward with them.

This is what men like so much about the way they can communicate with each other.

And, in fact, it drives them nuts when you AREN’T open and direct.

If they are planning something that you don’t  agree with, they want you to let them know AT THE
START, as soon as possible, BEFORE it becomes a bigger issue or concern.

Not later, after a few hours or days or WEEKS of you stewing about it, only for it to come out
at some other time when the man thinks everything is going fine.

Here’s the beauty of telling a man what you  think early on- It allows you to communicate in a way that’s less combative and negative than it would be if you were to have it fester in your mind for a
while. Especially if he’s already done/decided on whatever it was that you were dreading.

And here’s a secret about how men like to talk and communicate that you need to remember-Men don’t “automatically” get upset when you  let them know how you feel about something, like
some women believe.

They get upset when they see that YOU are upset.  See, for most men, when a woman tells them  something that isn’t great about their  relationship, the reason men get upset is that  they take it VERY PERSONALLY.

When a man sees you upset, and you tell him about your hurt feelings, he’ll instantly feel
like you are BLAMING him- even though you might not be. (If you are, there’s part of your problem
right there! Stop it, or else…)

Men like to think and believe that the woman they’re with respects them and sees them as a
great man. So when a woman shares something that isn’t  “perfect” that’s going on, a man will take it as you thinking that HE is screwed up – and not just that something happened in your relationship that can easily be changed or improved in the future.

Here’s the thing… Whether you know it or not, the reason most men react negatively when you try and talk about  your relationship is because they feel CRITICIZED by you.

Men want to know that you think they are perfect.

And more importantly, men want to know that who they are and how they act PLEASES YOU.

That’s why… when you tell them about  something that’s hurt your feelings or is “wrong”,
they feel like they aren’t PLEASING YOU, and  that you aren’t happy with them.

Of course, that’s when a man will go to trying to “fix” whatever is wrong. Because he must find
a way to make it right so he knows that he  still pleases the woman in his life.

The thing that’s most important to a man in a relationship is that he knows that who he is
makes his woman HAPPY.

So, knowing all these important insights into how men think and feel, what can you DO with it
to put it to use in your relationship?

To stop this cycle of a man feeling CRITICIZED, or like he doesn’t please you, you first need to
find a “safe space” before you talk and share  your feelings with him.

And I mean “safe” in that telling a man what you think, feel and need will not jeopardize your
connection, but instead make it stronger.

Here’s your ACTION STEP to create this “safe” space for you, and for him:

Sit down with him today at some time when  you’re both settled and relaxed.

Then tell him that you respect his feelings, and that you appreciate the way he respects yours.
(If you don’t believe this right now, simply the act of communicating these words will have a
profoundly positive effect on him and actually help create more respect and appreciation- because
you get what you give!)

Then explain that communicating as early as possible and allowing that SAFE SPACE to tell each
other how you really feel and that you need to be open and honest with each other in the moment is
CRUCIAL to your happiness – yours AND his.

What you’re doing here is essentially agreeing together to accept and allow for each others
real feelings- REGARDLESS of whether they happen to please the other person in that moment.

Of course, by agreeing to this, you’re not  just agreeing to be able to state your true  feelings.

You’re also agreeing to really and truly hear  HIS FEELINGS too, whether you like them or not.

And that means not going off the deep end  emotionally if he tells you something you don’t
like hearing.

This kind of real and authentic honesty is the first step, and the one and only path to a
real, secure, and lasting relationship where both partners know that their feelings are HEARD and
RESPECTED.

And incidentally, the reason your man gets irritated when you tell him how upset you are  leads me to…

SECRET #2: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS

It’s not enough just to know that you need to  communicate your needs early on with a man.

There’s a secret to HOW to communicate that  makes all the difference in how he’ll react, and
how open he’ll be to LISTENING. Have you ever noticed that if you’re in a  neutral, quiet mood, and a friend calls and is all ecstatic about some good news, you will  automatically start to smile and chuckle along?

Or if your friend calls and sounds depressed  and negative, you will get off the phone feeling
WORSE than you felt before they called?

This is because emotions are contagious, and  they usually transfer themselves from the strong
emotion (joy, depression) to the less intense  emotion (quiet, contemplative).

So why is this important to know when it comes  to better communication and LESS ARGUING?

If you approach your man with an angry, upset  or irritated attitude, he is less likely to
respond to what you’re saying, or even listen  intently. He will just MIRROR your emotion.

It goes like this… You’re upset. You tell him how hurt you feel  and you start to raise your voice and display a  lot of angry body language like throwing up your  arms.

He sees that body language, he hears your tone  and in turn, HE becomes upset instead of really
LISTENING to what you’re saying.

He responds to what he perceives as an attack  by getting defensive and angry in return.

He’s not even doing this consciously. It’s  something that happens automatically.

Have you ever taken some non-refundable  merchandise back to the store and put on an
“attitude” with the clerk – and they became  defensive and short with you as a result?

Compare that to going in with a calm, friendly  attitude and maybe even some humor… how did
they react then?

Does it seem that people are more likely to  “bend the rules” and listen and empathize when
you approach them with a more positive emotional tone?

In the same vein, when it comes to talking to your guy, remember:

-Stay calm and controlled when talking about  critical issues. If you’re relaxed and assertive,
he’s more likely to be open to listening to what  you have to say.

-If he says something hurtful, don’t lash out.  Instead, give yourself some space and let
him know you won’t tolerate that from him.  If you stay calm and positive, he’ll calm
down and eventually realize what he said was  either insensitive or wrong. The key is to give
him the space to see your feelings, but not feel blamed or criticized by you for them- and he’ll
respond in a caring and nurturing way as a result.

In this way, YOU can affect how your conversation will go… whether it will spiral  into fighting and negativity… or end up in a much closer connection and better understanding.

I just revealed a couple of insights into how you can stop the vicious cycle of negativity and
miscommunication with a man, along with a specific way to renew your relationship with
listening and honesty.

I hope you’ll put these to use in your relationship today… whether it’s with a man, or
anyone in your life you want to reconnect with.

When it comes to building a solid foundation for a great long-term, committed relationship,
you have to be able to COMMUNICATE effectively  and in a way that doesn’t compromise your
needs and feelings.

Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling unappreciated and “unheard” in your relationship.

And not just that, but the feelings that will come from that will have a doubling effect of
then putting more distance between you and your man and keeping you DISCONNECTED.

I want you to finally experience what it’s  like to have the kind of open, honest and
emotionally authentic relationship that not only brings you and your man closer than you could
ever become otherwise…

But have the kind of security and certainty about what’s going on in your relationship and
how your man is feeling that only comes from  an amazing level of CONNECTION and COMMUNICATION.

Too many women mistakenly believe that they know how to create this kind of relationship
because they have lots of feelings, and talk about them.

To have a great relationship and communication in it that inspires you and the man you’re with
at the same time, it takes a whole lot more than having feelings and talking.

It’s takes learning to UNDERSTAND not just  your own feelings, but also:

-How to help your partner understand you, and

-How to help your partner communicate HIS FEELINGS so he feels understood, too.

I’ve also created an entire program all about exactly how to recreate the level of
communication you and a man share with each  other.

As you know, the patterns you have in your  relationships are hard to break.

But not if you know how to change the very things that are holding your old and limiting
patterns of communication intact, and how to replace them with something better and new.

If you’re really serious about creating an open and SECURE relationship by staying permanently CONNECTED with the man in your life, then I want to show you how, and I’ve just the thing to make sure it happens for you…

If you’re like most women I talk to… then  you know that men are pretty BAD at telling you
what they’re thinking or feeling or what they want from your relationship.

And if you find that any discussion of feelings and problems results in more arguments, more
silence and LESS openness and sharing, then you  really have a problem on your hands.

If real honesty and understanding between you  and your man is non-existent, then there is
little chance that your relationship will last…  or thrive.

Most women think they’re great communicators simply because they are in touch with what they
feel and they aren’t afraid to express it.

But what frustrates them is that this “asset”  doesn’t quite help in getting their man to LISTEN  and understand them.

What you need is not MORE TALKING…what  you need is a strategy for communica communicating with a
man in a way that creates the kind of environment  where BOTH people can talk and share.

Lern more in My Book.

Best of Luck in Love and Life …

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