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Why Men Act Hot and Cold …

August 13, 2010

Imagine attracting a man emotionally and intellectually in such a way that he absolutely can’t resist wanting to be around you.

Not only that, but imagine all the obstacles and excuses falling away. No more “I’m too busy” or “I have to work through some issues.” The only thing he’ll know is his desire to be with you.

let’s get down to what’s really going on in your heart when it comes to men and relationships. Here’s what I want to know first…

Why is it so easy for other women to fall in love with a man, and for their relationships to effortlessly come together and grow…

While YOU keep attracting all the men out there who are “unavailable” or who SEEM great at first, but eventually get scared and just can’t go “deeper” with you?

Is this “unavailable” thing really a problem so many men are carrying around that gets in the way of love?

Or… Could it also be that YOU play a part in finding men who are “unavailable”?

Or that you bring about that unavailable RESPONSE inside a man, a response that even the most “evolved” men have lying dormant inside them?

I want to share with you what could be a new and enlightening perspective on all this..

There’s an important realization all SMART and LOVING women come to at some point in their love lives.

It’s a “light bulb” that suddenly just turns on… and when it does you instantly grow and see things with a new sense of CLARITY.

Unfortunately, most women only come to this important realization AFTER they’ve been through the pain and frustration of doing everything they can think of to “revive” their relationship and failing.

I’ll tell you what this REALIZATION is:

It’s that when you’re with a man who is feeling or acting UNCERTAIN with you – even if you could give him an “ultimatum” that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that YOU WANT – You’re in a very dangerous and “weak” position for your relationship. He’s not really making that decision based on what HE wants or feels.

It’s a weak position because you really want and need a man who is truly COMMITTED to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced.

COMMITTED. Totally and with all his being.

Knowing this, let me ask you…

Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman ASKS THEM?

Or does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for being and feeling this way?

It’s a VERY IMPORTANT question.

If you’ve had one or more relationships where you were ready for “more”… but the man you were with was seeming to drag his heels, or just not care about your relationship… and you tried to make it work but it only seemed to BACKFIRE – then this question could be one of the most important questions you ever ask yourself.

Seriously.

So as a bit of homework, I want you to stop for a second and THINK ABOUT IT…

*Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become truly loyal, caring, and affectionate just because a woman ASKS IT OF THEM?

Or…

Does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for truly feeling and being this way with you, if it’s going to LAST?

WHERE TO START IN LEARNING ABOUT WHAT MAKES HIM WANT TO COMMIT WITH YOU

Let me be unusually direct with you, for your own good:

Have you finally figured out that if you don’t know HOW TO GET A MAN TO OPEN UP and talk and
share his deeper thoughts and feelings with you… then it’s going to be impossible to make your
relationship work?

Lots of women think they get how this works because they talk a lot about what’s on THEIR MIND.

For most women, this is common Communication Mistake #1 in their relationship:

Sharing YOUR FEELINGS first, and often, because you believe this will somehow get him to share his
feelings in return.

This is not a great way to get a man to “open up” to you and get in touch with his feelings.

This is not his “emotional process.” Especially with a man you’re in a relationship with who is already acting “withdrawn” and has shut off his feelings from you.

This kind of MORE IS BETTER approach about talking and sharing YOUR FEELINGS actually WORKS AGAINST YOU more than it helps you with men who are acting uncertain and withdrawn.

Here’s the deal:

If you know anything about a man, then you should know that to get to know HIS FEELINGS,
then more talk about YOUR FEELINGS is NOT the answer.

Which leads me to common Communication Mistake #2:

Out of all the things that can go wrong in a relationship, I’ve found one that causes women
more pain, frustration, and leads to BAD OUTCOMES with the man in their life than anything else…

It’s the SAME ISSUE that keeps popping up at the beginning of their romantic relationships -

EXPECTATIONS.

It’s when a woman expects that the relationship will progress to something more committed, but
ends up feeling disappointed when she finds out the man doesn’t want the same thing.

This problem usually plays itself out in one of two ways.

I’m sure you’ll identify with one (if not both) of these:

SCENARIO #1: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship, but rather than “rock
the boat” by having a conversation in which you make your expectations clear, you decide to
WAIT IT OUT in hopes that the man will soon feel the same way and that everything will just “work
itself out.”

SCENARIO #2: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship but as soon as you get the
sense that the guy doesn’t share your desires or isn’t “on the same page” emotionally, you subtly
and unconsciously decide to PRETEND that you’re cool with things just being casual, even though
you know you need a lot MORE to be happy and content.

Predictably, when you find yourself in either of these two scenarios, it becomes a slippery slope
toward ultimate relationship disaster.

Here’s how this plays out:

First- you start feeling unfulfilled, anxious or worried that you’re not getting what you want
and need from the relationship

Second- you don’t know how to say what you’re feeling and what you want in a mature, honest
way, so you say nothing at all, or you drop “hints” that are misunderstood or ignored

Third- he doesn’t change anything about the way he’s treating you or the relationship, and you
become frustrated or disappointed with because he doesn’t really “get” what’s missing and what
you want from him

Fourth- your frustration builds up even more and either brings you to an emotionally destructive
CONFRONTATION with him that FREAKS him out (like an ultimatum)… or all the silent tension and
negative feelings between you make him act distant, disconnected and maybe he even starts
losing interest in you

Remember going down this road?

Not fun, huh?

So what’s going on here? And what can you do about it?

Stick with me here, and I’ll reveal some basic insights about how to get a man on the “same page”
about where your relationship is headed without all the drama, tears and frustration.

“CENTER” YOURSELF FIRST… AND GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

What you need to do FIRST, before you do anything else, is get CLEAR about what you want
and expect from your love life.

You need to be honest with YOURSELF first, before you can be honest with anyone else in your life.

Stop PRETENDING you only want a “casual” fun fling when what you REALLY want is to have a
committed, serious relationship that’s “going somewhere.”

Here’s the thing:

Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of POSITIVE DIRECTIONS to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life.

But, unfortunately, being CLEAR and HONEST is not that simple for most women when “the rubber
meets the road” in dating and relationships.

The reality is, knowing what they want and expect can turn into a source of EXTREME frustration and anxiety for a lot of women.

Why is that?

I’ll explain.

Expectations can definitely set us off in good directions in our lives… But when we don’t feel
like we have the CONTROL over how to get those expectations met, the “wheels really start to
come off the car”, so to speak.

A woman may “feel” like the man she’s been dating is “The One” and she can see things
getting much more committed and serious, but she also senses she doesn’t have the right tools or
skills to know how to COMMUNICATE those desires to the man in a positive way.

Simply put, the woman is AFRAID that approaching the guy with a heavy “talk” will either scare him away.

Or…

She herself doesn’t know what “taking it to the next level” really means to HIM, why he would
want this, and how to go about talking about it in a way that builds trust and makes him want to
open up and share.

So she avoids telling him what she’s really thinking and feeling about their relationship.

Instead, she starts to accept or downplay the little disappointments she feels.

Until one day she finally wakes up and realizes that she doesn’t have the kind of relationship
she THOUGHT she would have with this man, and she’s just not happy with herself or the situation.

And sometimes this “awakening” doesn’t even happen until after the man cheats or leaves.

Ouch.

Hey, I get it.

Men can act more than a little insensitive to all of this, and even act like TOTAL IDIOTS
when it comes to appreciating and respecting the great relationship you already have together.

But hang on for a sec…

Let’s just simplify things and boil it down to that one thing that is the cause of all the trouble and confusion:

FEAR.

The unfortunate truth is that some women don’t want to dig deeper into what a man truly wants
because of their own fears.

They’re AFRAID of finding out the truth about what a man truly feels about them, and their future together.

And the most dreaded fear of all…

REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.

These two things are SO STRONG AND POWERFUL that something fascinating happens in the woman’s mind when there’s even a small potential for either of these….

Their mind starts a cycle of SELF-DECEPTION.

Here’s how it works…

The fear of pain and loss often leads us to ignore our thoughts and intuition and replace our
fearful thoughts with happier thoughts that make us feel comfortable.

It’s the mind’s “emotional defense mechanism.”

I know you felt this before.

How many times have you been unsure – deep down – about the man you are seeing, but instead
of examining those doubts and finding a way for you to deal with your own feelings, you decided
to actually BUILD HIM UP to your friends and family as being a wonderful catch because you
didn’t want to face some of the problems lurking deep in the back of your mind?

You thought that you’d help things out by telling yourself and having faith in what you
wanted to be true.

…And sometimes, in the process of making up these “new truths” you even start to convince
YOURSELF that he’s a better guy than he actually is?

Or maybe you’ve been in a situation where you’ve gotten no indication that the man you’re seeing wants any kind of serious relationship, but you choose to believe that you’re building
a committed relationship as things slowly and naturally escalate.

Making those assumptions without the basis of direct communication can lead to BIG TROUBLE
down the road.

Save yourself the wasted energy and the broken heart.

If you’re looking to move past the fear and insecurity you feel but don’t want to get in touch
with or let anyone know about, then I’d like to help you get in touch and start the “healing” and
growth process.

And I’d like to help you quickly get to that great place you know is inside you where LOVE and
amazing experiences and emotions simply FLOW in your life… and draw the right man and the
right relationship to you all on their own.

Remember, a man can’t read your mind, or know all that’s in your heart.

And if you’re carrying around pain or fear, it’s surely getting in the way of him seeing that
beautiful and real you underneath that he would want to know and love.

Don’t keep a man from seeing the best of the real you that’s inside. Make it easy for him -
and for you.

Here’s a question that’s probably already on your mind… How can you be sure you’re involved with
the RIGHT guy, and know how he’s feeling, and if he shares your expectations and desires?

The answer is HONESTY.

HONESTY is one of the most liberating and valuable traits to develop – and it’s even more
valuable when you’re dating. And guess what else?

It FEELS REALLY GOOD to be completely open and honest.

Plus, even when it seems like it would push you and a man apart, it has an amazing way of
bringing you closer together and building more love and admiration.

But only if you know how to share your thoughts and honest feelings in a way that SERVES YOU and
your relationship.

Not all communication is equal.

You can MEAN something, but depending on how you share it with someone… it can either be
received as loving and “good”… or as NEGATIVE and CRITICAL.

How is what you are feeling being RECEIVED?

And how does this relate to the way you choose to COMMUNICATE what you are feeling?

A WAY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS AND DESIRES TO A MAN THAT HE’LL LOVE AND RESPOND TO

Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up inside your head as
a woman in relationships with men who wouldn’t listen…

It’s OK to want what you want and to let a man know it.

In fact, it’s a MUST.

And it’s OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn’t match with what you want.

For example…

If a woman is honest and up front about what she wants and expects from a man, in a way that
says that she’s not too attached to the immediate outcome, and she subtly lets him know that he
better have his act together or else.

It can turn the usual “teeth pulling” talk into an opportunity for building attraction and
a deep source of commitment with a man.

But remember…YOU CAN’T FAKE IT.

You have to be in a place where you truly believe that you’ll find and meet your expectations for love and relationships, with or without the man who’s there in front of you right then.

No matter how much you love him.

That means you have to be in the right frame of mind, and state in your heart, BEFORE you start
the conversation with him…

But most women aren’t in the right frame of mind because they’re afraid, and they’ve “tricked”
themselves into thinking that their intimate feelings for a man will scare him off.

WRONG.

It’s not honesty that will scare him off, it’s the negative, fearful and anxious “vibe” that you unknowingly give off before you finally EXPLODE because you can no longer hide how you
feel from the man you’re with.

That’s what scares some men off or makes them clam up.

The amazing thing is that men crave HONEST women who are up front about who they are and
what they want in relationships.

The key is to know the RIGHT WAY to communicate these things without going over the top.

Remember, if you communicate with a man in a way that assumes, begs, convinces, or makes him
think that you’re “entitled” to a relationship and a commitment with him, he will NEVER, EVER
respect you and want to stay for the long-term.

You might get what you want in the short-term if he gives in to your wishes just to avoid
a conflict, but trust me, you are headed for MUCH bigger problems in the future.

Or worse, you’ll get what you want NOW, but he’s spent the past months – or even worse,
YEARS – secretly SEETHING WITH RESENTMENT towards you.

Not good.

GIVE HIM A GOOD REASON TO WANT TO COMMIT TO YOU

You just can’t “talk” a man into wanting to commit to you by listing all the ways your relationship is special.

This is something VERY IMPORTANT to remember when it comes to men and relationships.

**You have to give a man the right “REASONS” for him to want to and make HIMSELF commit.**

Becoming deeply committed doesn’t often just happen with the passing of time for a man. He
won’t want to commit “just because” it’s been six months or a year (or longer).

He won’t commit to you because you explain how you think you’re better than all the women
he’s dated or because you have such a great “connection.”

Nope, he’s going to commit for his own reasons. So what are these “reasons”?

They’re very complex if you don’t understand them… but simple at the same time.

A man’s reasons for committing, or not committing, are his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

Sounds simple, but it’s profound and true.

The “masculine” part of a man has to FEEL like he is naturally and of his own free will CHOOSING
to be with a woman.

If this happens, his commitment will usually be strong and lasting.

But if he commits because a woman has been talking to him and analysing things to show him
how a relationship really makes “sense”, then his commitment won’t be strong… and it
probably won’t last.

See the difference?

A man’s motivations for commitment are how a woman makes him FEEL when he’s with her.

If you want him to respond and have committed feelings for you, then you need to do more of the
things that will make him FEEL those FEELINGS of desire, interest and attraction that lead him to
want to commit.

In other words, WORDS and conversations are the LEAST powerful and effective tools that a woman
has when it comes to love and relationships.

The FEELINGS of ATTRACTION that she can create, sometimes without even speaking, are
the MOST POWERFUL.

Now, I was only able to give a few simple tips and insights on how to better connect with a man
in a way that will lead you both closer together and help him not only talk, but FEEL committed.

To learn exactly how to make a man FEEL, through experience, that he’s BETTER OFF being
with you than being single, you need to read my Book.

Best of Luck ….

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