This is not a book, but a manual …The information in this book all boils down to the key elements of meeting and attracting men, the courtship process, and setting yourself up for a successful long-term relationship with a man.
For lots of women, just finding a great guy can be tough enough. First she has to find him and meet him. Then she has to attract him and be attracted to him. Then she has to get to know him and make sure he isn’t some player or whatever. Then she has to figure out how to keep the chemistry alive and stay connected and intimate. (This last one can be like pulling teeth with some men!).
It’s an incredible process that can be overwhelming for lots of women. So why does it have to be so hard with men?
Why do ALL of these things have to fall into place with men before any of the deeper feelings and longer term commitments come into play?…
Well, that’s what we’re here to talk about.
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Men love to date and they have fun doing it. And I’ve got to tell you as a man that being single and dating was ALL I wanted to do for a long, long time.
Attractive men who are “catches”— the kind that have good looks, intelligence, careers, etc.—have even more fun dating because they can date whomever they want whenever they want. They have attractive and interesting women available to them all the time. This changes their perspective and they end up not dating with any specific goal in mind. They’re not worried about if the woman has long-term potential. And if a date is awful, they don’t blame themselves or think it’s their fault. They quickly move on…
What happens with the guys that are “catches” and date a lot of women is fascinating.
From the process of dating, they develop an amazing ability to identify a good woman from a “bad” one (one he wouldn’t want to spend his time with) within just a few words, tones, or movements of interacting with the woman.
These men are around and approached by women a lot, so they need to find a way to quickly screen the “good ones” from the “bad ones” in their mind. So they develop a kind of “radar” for the “bad” women who don’t have their life together, or have emotional, confidence, self-esteem issues, etc. that will spell trouble and create “drama” later on. It’s not that they’re necessarily interested in the “good” ones so much for marriage or something serious; the reason for the unconscious screening is that they just want to enjoy the time they’re spending with the women they date.
And hey… I know that a man being this way and quickly excluding a woman if he sees these things in her personality isn’t very caring, patient, sympathetic or nurturing. But it happens so quickly and unconsciously that most men couldn’t even explain to you how or why they were doing it.
Lots of women do the same thing with men, too…
And what’s just as interesting is that guys who date a lot can sometimes develop an ability to attract women more easily than other men because they’ve learned to instantly “tune in” to where the woman is at physically and emotionally. These guys spend their time learning how women act and react in all kinds of situations, and they learn what works for them and what doesn’t, which ultimately gives them a deeper understanding of women’s signals and triggers.
Sometimes you see these skills go to a guy’s head and he uses dating as an ego booster. Be careful here…
The ego-driven daters have two main groups:
• The Indulgers—These guys are going through a sort of “self-infatuation” and indulgence in their ability to meet women. It often happens with the kind of guys who never got women’s attention when they were younger, or guys who once had low self- esteem, but who are now rich and powerful. They now feel empowered and are enjoying a dating frenzy. Men like these can harbor a deep resentment of women and try to date lots of women and use them to get “payback” for all the years they suffered from female rejection.
• The Romantics—These guys constantly need the validation and approval of women. They have intense sexual fantasies and appetites. And they are looking to fill the emptiness in their own lives with female interaction and attention.
Not all men date casually because they’re this way, though. Part of the reason “regular guys” can and will date casually without settling down is their ability to remain relatively emotionally uninvolved even when they are experiencing an intense attraction. Men have an internal drive that can cause them to value physical appearance over emotional connections. Keep this in mind when you read the “quality vs. quantity” differences I talk about later in this chapter.
But something else is going on inside every man’s head. Men have the belief that there are lots of very attractive women out there, and they could be dating any one of them if they could just meet them under the right conditions. For men, dating is the part of their life that brings fun and entertainment and gets them out into the world.
There’s a paradox I see that comes from all the casual dating that men do. A man likes to date lots of women before he decides to settle down… and so in the process he learns what he wants and what he doesn’t want from dating lots of different women.
It’s the oldest dating/relationship paradox: You can’t know what you truly want from a person in a relationship unless you date several different people, but you can’t date several different people and have a deep relationship.
Women, on the other hand, take themselves out of the learning process in the dating/relationship paradox too quickly.
Do you know any women who are serial monogamists and are never single, or if they are, they never like to date? Maybe you yourself are this way.
These women are missing out on the entire LEARNING PROCESS of casual dating and they’re setting themselves up to be unable to identify a good match from a bad one. Dating many different kinds of men over a period of time serves a very important purpose in developing skills that are crucial to finding a good relationship: identifying a good man, identifying the wrong men, knowing what you’re after, personal communication skills, reading body language, etc. The list goes on.
Best of Luck in Love and Life :)
A belief is nothing more than a chronic pattern of thought, and you have the ability—if you try even a little bit—to begin a new pattern, to tell a new story, to achieve a different vibration, to change your point of attraction.
The Law of Attraction is responding to your vibration, and you can easily change your vibrational point of attraction by visualizing the lifestyle you desire and holding your attention upon those images until you begin to feel relief, which will indicate that a true vibrational shift has occurred.
Quick tip for you:
The absolute fastest and easiest way to re-ignite the passion in your relationship and get your man “feeling it” for you physically, mentally, and emotionally all over again…
Does it ever seem impossible for you to re-inspire your man’s passion and devotion after a difficult period in your relationship?
If you’re like some of the women I’ve helped, it might feel to you as though the harder you try at making your relationship work, the more your guy seems to tune out, act lazy, and stop listening.
But I want you to know that there is a way to quickly get your relationship back on track – to return to that secure place where your relationship feels close and connected.
There’s a way to have your man excited to spend time alone with you, excited to take you out and experience the world with you, and excited just to touch you and be next to you.
And there’s also a way to get out of the common “trap” too many great women fall into:
The TRAP of being the “Do It All Yourself” Woman.
This is when you do everything for yourself AND for the man in your life, and you feel like you don’t get much back in return.
>>ARE YOU WORKING TOO HARD FOR LOVE?
After being the “Do It All Yourself” Woman, it’s only natural to feel exhausted, drained, frustrated and unhappy with your man and your relationship.
It’s time to stop this pattern for your own good – and start experiencing what it’s like to have a real man in your life who’s committed, engaged and does his part and more to make sure you’re both creating an incredible life together.
Is it time for you to get off the roller coaster, and start to get things back on track for yourself and your relationship?
If the answer for you is “Yes, it’s time”, then your first step isn’t trying more of the same.
Your first step is to STOP doing the things that are accidentally pushing your man further away.
In my “Relationship Turnaround” program, I show you exactly how to quickly and easily get your relationship back on track by INSPIRING your man’s love and devotion. You’ll learn how to:
-Identify any and all destructive patterns in your relationship, and stop them dead on the spot
-Stop being the “Do It All Yourself” woman in your relationship, and learn to sit back and have your guy start thinking about and caring for you and your relationship on his own
-Stop letting your relationship problems get you down which cause you to feel worse and act out. Instead get back to your “best self” and feel better immediately
-Discover what it takes to trigger your man’s desire to be engaged in your relationship again
It’s time you stopped having to do everything yourself, and started enjoying what a real loving and supportive relationship is like.
My very best tips and secrets for getting your relationship back on track and off your own shoulders – in a matter of a day or two – are all right here for you: CLICK HERE.
Can you MAKE a man love you again the way he used to?
I get a lot of letters from women who are looking for ways to “fix” a relationship where a man has either shown or said that he’s not feeling it the way he once did.
If you’re going through this situation yourself, there are a few things I want you to know:
No, you can’t “make” a man love you, and trying to do things to that end will only backfire.
It’ll backfire because trying to “convince” a man that he should love you, or trying to talk him into having attraction and passion for you just because you’ve been together for X amount of time, is counter-productive.
But here’s the REALLY great news:
You can inspire a man to WANT to make you happy, and inspire him to feel passionate about you.
>>”INSPIRING” VERSUS “CONVINCING” A MAN
The difference between “inspiring” a man and “convincing” him is an important one.
When you inspire, you are doing things to feel better about YOURSELF, and you’re committing yourself to understanding your man and nurturing your relationship.
When you convince, you TALK or do things to manipulate a man into feeling a certain way. These are often emotionally charged conversations that can leave you both feeling drained. You also quickly realize that a man isn’t going to feel warm and fuzzy about you because you’re telling him how unhappy he makes you.
Here’s the deal…
The #1 truth about men in relationships is that they want to make their woman happy. He wants to FEEL that it’s easy to please you, and that you can feel good about yourself without much “work” on his part.
That’s right. He wants to be with a woman who is a genuinely happy person, with or without him.
When a man says that a woman makes him happy, what he’s usually really saying is that he feels it’s easy to make HER happy.
So the question now is, what can you do to get back to the content, joyful woman you used to be?
How can you be happy again, with or without him?
1. The best thing you can do right now is to work on being the best person you can be, inside and out, so that YOU feel good again, regardless of what happens in the end with your relationship.
2. Stop doing the things you know aren’t working – including having emotionally-charged conversations instead of COMMUNICATING and building UNDERSTANDING. This is a crucial step.
For example, you probably have developed a “story” around your relationship.
These are things you tell yourself about you and your man, over and over, without even realizing you’re doing it.
You have formed a story about who YOU are in the relationship, and how that should be enough to sustain your relationship and keep it connected.
It’s like when you see someone who always acts “tough” and defensive and sees everything in a negative light suddenly SOFTEN and relax.
Maybe an event shakes them to the core and suddenly, their old story isn’t valid.
What happens to them?
Not only do they change as a person, but their EXPERIENCE changes, too.
That’s why recognizing and letting go of your “story” is such an important step to transforming your relationship.
After I help you uncover your story, I take you through the other 5 critical tools to turn your relationship around and tap into your own inner strength and femininity.
By going through all Tools in my program, you’ll be able to:
— Do LESS for your relationship and actually get MORE love and appreciation (seem impossible? It’s not!)
— Improve communication because he will actually LISTEN to you and CARE, not just walk away or get irritated when you share your feelings
— Develop a more intimate conversation with your man that will bring you closer each time
— Inspire him to “see” you in a whole new light – and become more attracted to you than you ever thought possible
There’s one more thing I want to mention here: it’s about why men cheat, and what it takes to affair-proof your relationship.
In my observation and from talking to a lot of men and women who have been through these situations, I find that although men who cheat have unique reasons and circumstances and what I call “excuses” about why they do it, there are some general TRENDS.
Some men cheat because they haven’t fully developed their sexual maturity.
They tend to “objectify” or compartmentalize women and sex because they haven’t fully integrated their sexual desires in a mature way with partnership and monogamy.
Men also cheat to escape a difficult or sexless relationship, because of the need to feed their ego, to have variety, and also because of certain kinds of addiction.
Regardless of WHY a man will cheat, there are things you can do in any relationship to reduce the likelihood that he WILL.
To learn the signs of sexual immaturity in a man, and to know the EXACT things that you can do to virtually CHEAT-PROOF your relationship, read about my “Inside The Mind Of A Man” program.
In this program, you’ll learn all about the different levels of maturity in a man, why certain men will cheat no matter what, and what kind of man will stay faithful as long as there are 6 specific situations in your relationship.
It’s all right HERE.
I hope that your relationship turns around and you can find happiness and passion again. With my program, I’m confident you’ll be taking things in the right direction.
I’ll talk to you again soon.
Best of luck in Life and Love,
There’s a certain kind of “glue” that keeps a man bonded to you – even though you may have difficulty and conflict with him.
If you have this glue, you’ll coast through the inevitable ups and downs of any relationship – and even come out stronger as a result.
This glue also helps a man push past any fears of commitment so that he can’t help but get closer and closer to you.
Do you know what it is?
I’m talking about attraction.
Are you triggering that magic feeling of attraction inside him that is the surest way to tell and remind him that you’re the one woman he wants to be with?
I’m going to show you something strange and kind of bizarre that, whether you know it or not, has been and will be taking place in your life.
And this thing also happens to have a huge impact on what happens in your relationships with men.
So listen up and learn.
Tell me if you’ve ever experienced this fascinating thing in your life:
You hear a new word, or you see a new kind of car for the first time… and then suddenly that thing that you never saw or heard before is EVERYWHERE.
What you had never been aware of before is suddenly all around you for the next few days. You see it everywhere, and it’s almost like someone is playing a trick on you.
There’s a fancy term for this.
It’s called reticular activation, and it’s a psychological phenomenon that we as humans experience.
Now, I find the fact that we all go through this in our own way FASCINATING.
Not because words or cars are that interesting, but because whether we know it or not, we have the exact same thing going on in different areas of our lives.
Especially in our RELATIONSHIPS.
Let me give you an example…
>> SUSAN’S STORY
I’ve got a close friend who I’ve known for over 10 years. Let’s call her Susan.
Susan is an amazing woman – about 35 years old, smart, beautiful, successful. She was divorced for some time before she met a man she really liked – and decided to give the relationship a try.
It took a bit for her to feel comfortable moving back into a relationship, though she quickly settled in and was loving it.
But then about 3 or 4 months into the relationship, something happened…
A good friend of hers had her marriage fall apart. And this was the friend whose relationship was the one everyone in their group looked to as the one whose relationship was strong and would last.
Well, it turned out that her husband decided to break the relationship off with what was little or no warning, and her friend was crushed.
Susan was really affected by this, and it must have brought back a lot of fear and uncertainty from her past marriage – because as soon as this happened, Susan’s relationship started changing.
I quickly saw Susan go from excited, content, inspired and engaged in her relationship…to having all kinds of doubts and questions about her relationship and the man in her life.
Every time I talked to Susan and her relationship came up, I could hear this doubt and uncertainty in her voice… and I knew this was the kind of energy she was carrying in her relationship.
She told me that she wasn’t sure about him anymore, and she wasn’t having the kind of connection and communication she wanted from him.
She told me that she was feeling like he wasn’t talking anymore, and that there were things she felt he wasn’t telling her.
A few months later, Susan and I talked again and she told me that things weren’t going well in her relationship.
In fact, they weren’t together anymore.
>> WHAT HAPPENED TO SUSAN?
Susan had been incredibly strong, moved past her old failed marriage, and freed herself up to move on to a new relationship.
And she had found a great guy.
But when she heard about her good friend’s marriage falling apart, her buttons got pushed.
Suddenly Susan’s attention in her relationship was no longer on what she enjoyed, and what was WORKING.
Instead, because of her fears and her past experiences, her attention and focus shifted to thinking about and watching out for PROBLEMS, issues, and what WASN’T WORKING.
In short, Susan had created a shift in her relationship that had created a kind of “disconnect” from her guy.
And even though her boyfriend was the same guy that he had been, Susan started to see that it was her constant fixation on any potential problems that was starting to ruin her relationship – and cause her boyfriend to feel and respond differently.
And of course the more her boyfriend was affected by her this way, the more worried and convinced she became that there must be something going on with him.
It seemed like he had totally changed from this open and loving guy to a moody and on-edge person who didn’t seem to listen to her anymore.
What had happened to him?
Why was he acting this way?
Eventually, Susan told me that her boyfriend had shared with her that he was feeling “weighed down” by their relationship, and that her constant need to have him help her feel better about their relationship was making him see her as “needy.”
After 7 months of dating, spending time together, and growing closer…her boyfriend ended up telling her that he didn’t think he was ready for such a serious relationship.
Susan was crushed by this, and she didn’t understand why he said that, or what it really meant.
They were great together. And she couldn’t understand why he had changed from the guy he was before.
She didn’t want him to act this way.
She just wanted some reassurance. And he wasn’t giving it to her anymore.
If he would just help her feel better, their relationship wouldn’t have these problems.
>> SUSAN’S “SHIFT”
Here’s where the story takes a surprising and eye-opening turn…
As we talked, Susan saw something in a new way. She realized that these “problems” in their relationship were often being created by her own feelings, and that with all the reassurance he was already giving her, getting more from him wasn’t the answer.
She realized that even though her feelings were real, she wasn’t giving her best to her relationship anymore, and to her boyfriend.
She had been an amazing partner with him for the first 4 to 5 months, and he was wild with attraction for her and passion in their relationship.
But when Susan’s attention shifted from doing the things that she had been doing that made them feel great together and that made him feel that powerful and intense ATTRACTION for her…
And instead she started bringing in more and more problems and uncertainties…
Her boyfriend not only didn’t know how to help her with this, but eventually it got in the way of the strong feelings he had for her and made him feel like he couldn’t make the relationship work.
This was what her boyfriend meant by saying “I’m not ready.”
He wasn’t ready to deal with problems he had no idea what to do with, or no “power” to fix.
He wanted a relationship, but he didn’t know how to simply FEEL GOOD with her anymore.
Susan finally understood a bit more not just about herself, but also about what was going on with HIM.
And this is what really started to make things easy again.
*Hint – if you want a man to feel literally addicted to you and your relationship, you have to know how to make him feel like he’s a “success” in your relationship. If he feels like it’s hard or too complicated for him to do things that make you happy and put your relationship on track, then he’s going to question and doubt EVERYTHING.
Once Susan saw this, and accepted it without ego or blame, she decided to do something about it.
She took her new understanding, and with clarity and ease she reconnected with her boyfriend.
I’m glad to say that they’re now happy together again.
In fact, they’re looking at moving in together now and just got back from an incredible vacation together in Hawaii.
Susan is doing great after having moved through some of her own “stuff,” and seeing some important new things she didn’t see before about how she was affecting the man in her life.
You can start watching the program immediately online. So don’t wait.
Get my iBook now and start knowing what the man you’re with is really thinking and feeling… instead of staying in the dark where it’s confusing and frustrating.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
In this article, I’m going to share 2 powerful tips for turning a passionless and distant relationship around immediately.
Imagine being back in that place you were in when you and the man in your life first started getting to know each other.
Imagine having him excited just to be with you and be close to you the way he used to be.
Imagine everything suddenly feeling EASY and free again, the way love is supposed to when it’s working.
Now imagine that this can happen right away for you in your relationship, if you just put a few of the right tools and steps into place.
Keep reading and I’ll show you how your man can and will be quickly transformed by you and your natural feminine power as a woman.
And for the shortcut on how you can create this amazing and instant “shift” in your relationship, to where your guy is CRAZY about just spending time with you again, read further:
Step #1: Shifting From Blaming & Criticism to Vulnerability
A man doesn’t want a woman who’s upset, irritable, and hard to be close to.
In fact, that’s the last thing most men want, and the first reason most men start thinking about leaving a relationship with a woman they used to love.
But most women don’t become hard-edged, annoyed and worn down by their man and relationship on purpose.
They stop getting what they want, and so they start to build WALLS and shut down the part of them that was VULNERABLE and that a man could love in the first place.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Think back to the last time you were in a fight with your man or he did or said something that really got under your skin?
How did you react?
Did you feel yourself tighten and become disconnected from him emotionally?
Was it difficult to open up and really LISTEN to what he had to say because all you could think about was how wrong he was?
I get it.
When you’re feeling resentful or disconnected from a man because he’s hurt you, the LAST thing you want to do is to become softer, more vulnerable or accepting of the love and attention he wants to give you.
That’s because when your man has let you down in some way, your normal reaction is to PUSH HIM AWAY.
You do that because you want him to know and to FEEL how much you’re hurting, and you want him to see you and love you.
But instead of loving him to get you to love you back, you do things like:
-Pretend like nothing is wrong and withdraw
-Get angry at little things he says
-Withhold your love, affection, and sex
-Give him the “silent treatment”
But if it’s MORE that you want, why is it so often that you find yourself giving LESS?
For most women, this happens because they already feel like they are giving too much of themselves.
And that they’re the only one giving, or they’re just not getting much if anything back for all that they do for their guy.
You start to think that everything you’re doing for the relationship is a chore, or just plain hard work, and you let him know in obvious (and not so obvious) ways.
You start to see not just the thing he did that upset you – but ALL the ways he upsets you or irritates you.
So all the little things he does that were just little annoying “quirks” before become one of the many major reasons why things “just aren’t working.”
One thing sets it off, but now he can’t do ANYTHING right in your eyes.
But here’s the result of going down those paths – they never get you the solution you’re REALLY looking for, or get you what you really want and need from your man.
Which is – more love and affection. More understanding. More connection.
There’s a better way.
What if, instead of shutting down and becoming blaming and critical of him, you OPENED UP and shifted out of and away from the things that weren’t working?
What if instead of intellectually thinking about how wrong he is, and how justified YOU are in what you did or said, you could just stop and get in touch with what you’re feeling, and what you really want?
Do you think your guy would respond differently?
Do you think it would have an impact on your relationship?
You bet it would.
But of course all this is easier said than done IN THE MOMENT.
In fact, being able to be open and love MORE in the tough times when you feel like your relationship is giving you LESS is hard.
When someone hurts or upsets you, and you feel unappreciated or unloved, the last thing you want to do is sit around and figure out why you’re feeling the way you do, and look at what else you can do to make things better.
Instead, you want HIM to get with it and start giving to you the way you’ve been giving to him.
But with this feeling you often want to try and fix things right away, you RESIST the hard feelings that come up inside you and, instead, push them OUTWARDS at him.
This is when you get into “blaming”, “criticizing” or “needy” mode, which sometimes makes you feel a tiny bit better…but only for a little while until you see that your guy only pulls farther away afterwards.
It doesn’t take a psychologist to see that this is NOT a great strategy for inspiring your guy, for finding more love and happiness, and for building a lasting long-term relationship.
So how do you get out of a destructive and dead-end pattern?
It’s often the things we don’t think to try that, when we finally give them a chance, create amazing results in our lives.
And that means trying something that feels very COUNTERINTUITIVE.
That means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something different than what feels “normal” and “obvious” in order to change the outcome.
Here’s what I’m getting at.
When you find yourself in that place where you begin to tighten up and resist because your emotions and frustrations are welling up inside you, instead of trying to quickly feel better and ignore or hiding those feelings, give yourself some space.
Try feeling it MORE.
That’s right – really get deep into what you’re feeling and find the words to describe it.
Take a minute to let yourself become aware of WHERE these feelings are really coming from.
Then, once you’ve had a tiny bit of time to feel it and understand it a little bit for yourself, you can share what you’re feeling with your man.
Not only will you start to learn and grow by leaps and bounds in your own heart and mind with this simple exercise…
But your relationship will suddenly start to look and feel differently to you, as your man will react differently to you and stay closer and more open to you and what you’re going through.
In other words, by giving yourself space to feel what you feel, you also make space for your real feelings in your relationship and to be felt and more understood by your man.
And it’s these moments that create that intense, deep CONNECTION and love that is what a relationship is all about.
Let me ask you:
When was the last time you had the experience of a really intense pain or emotion you felt being taken in and understood and talked through with you by your man?
When was the last time your man said, “Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do”?
If you’re like some women I’ve talked to and helped over the years, then it’s been way, way too long since you’ve felt emotionally supported and heard in this way.
Instead, they seem to react with withdrawal, irritation, anger or frustration each time you tell them how you’re feeling.
And it’s only making you more frustrated.
It’s time you feel more supported, and your man starts being this way with you on a regular basis.
Which leads you to something important here – a CHOICE.
You have a choice about how you’re going to keep on handling your own feelings and emotions in your relationship.
And you have a choice in how your feelings are going to shape your experience and your relationship.
You can keep doing what you’ve been doing and hope that it starts to work once a man finally figures it out and gets with it.
You can try something you might not have thought to try before –
Which is actually opening and sharing more of your deeper FEELINGS, instead of your busy THOUGHTS.
If you try the new way I’m going to show you, then get ready to watch as you get a different outcome and response from your man that you might have not thought possible from around your feelings.
Here are some examples of what I’m talking about:
Let’s say you notice that your guy has a wandering eye, and it upsets you.
Should you say something?
Should you stay quiet and try to not let it bother you because “men are men”?
The key here is respecting yourself, your true emotions, and sharing what you’re feeling, not what you’re THINKING.
Otherwise, you’ll not only put more distance between you and your man…
But he probably won’t know why you’re upset and he’ll eventually feel irritated that you’re unhappy for some unknown reason.
So if it’s your true feelings that are important, what do you say?
“You must not be attracted to me anymore since you obviously want other women.”
Wrong. This is sure to only create a new problem that probably isn’t about what’s really going on in the first place.
“I feel really scared and gross when you look at or flirt with other women in front of me.”
What’s going on here, and what’s the difference?
You’re talking about the same thing, but being open and honest enough to stick to your FEELINGS about what’s happening, instead of moving to judgment, is what makes all the difference with a man and making sure he listens and opens up to you in return.
Let’s try another example.
Let’s say your guy doesn’t call and he’s 30 minutes late to meet you or pick you up.
How could he do that and not call?
If he had just called, it wouldn’t have been a big deal.
Why didn’t he?
“You’re either dumb or insane if you think you can show up here 30 minutes late and not call and I won’t be angry at you. What’s your problem?”
“I feel upset and confused because I don’t understand why you didn’t call.”
Do you see how the two feel very different?
One feels very offensive, blaming, and antagonistic. It actually raises the level of conflict, and creates tension and distance.
The other one is an “opening” kind of question that actually allows for truth, honesty and promotes answers and understanding.
Oh, and which one do you think a man will respond better to?
Your thinking statements, or your feeling ones?
I can practically guarantee you that a man will either shut down and feel annoyed or withdraw from you, or escalate things and get into an argument with you and not give you any understanding if you used the thinking statements in the above situation.
But if you used the FEELING statements above, and you left space after them for your guy to say something…
Very quickly he’d start to listen, explain himself, and either apologize or give you the understanding and respect you just wanted in the first place.
But here’s a catch, and where most women mess this up even though they start out with their FEELINGS:
Once you open up and admit your true feelings, you can’t keep going on and on about it.
You have to allow time for a man to process what you just said, and not “rush” things just because you feel uncomfortable and want him to hear you and say something immediately.
Most men – about 99.9% of them – do NOT move this fast from one emotion to the next.
So when you try and take them with you on that ride, things will just turn ugly.
This is just a small part of some of the secrets to inspiring a man to be an open and endlessly understanding partner to you.
If you want all of my best stuff about men and what creates love and devotion in him to where he’ll be the loving partner he didn’t even know he had in him, then you need to go check out my iBook and discover what gets men to open up and stay open with everything from love to sex to communication to monogamy.
All the details, and tons of free tips on how to create an incredible and lasting relationship with a man that will keep you both happy and fulfilled together forever are HERE:
Step #2: Invite Love, Don’t Demand It
Have you felt hurt or angry at your man and found yourself saying a whole bunch of things that started with: “I need. I want. I deserve. You should. You need to. You’d better”?
If those phrases sound familiar to you, that’s because you were talking from the space of ENTITLEMENT.
Meaning, you felt like you were “entitled” or deserved to have your man do or say something to make you feel better about yourself or the relationship.
You can have very good reasons for feeling this way.
Maybe you feel like you’ve been doing all the WORK in the relationship, and all the sharing, while all he’s done is get distant or confuse you with what he says and does.
Maybe you’ve been doing your best to make him happy and you’ve been withholding how you REALLY feel because you don’t want to hurt him or start a fight.
So you feel stifled and powerless in the relationship.
After doing that sort of thing long enough, it’s no wonder you feel like you DESERVE and NEED to get the love, respect and consideration back that you’ve put in.
And yeah, you do deserve all those things.
It doesn’t make much sense to you that he doesn’t see or realize how hard you’ve been working to make things right between you.
But in a man’s mind, when he sees you shutting down, pushing him away, and then he hears you telling him how he needs to be doing this, or how he’d better do that, it doesn’t make much sense to him, either.
When you’re feeling hurt and start telling him, “You should” or “You really need to”, you’ll likely not get the kind of reaction you’re expecting.
Instead of seeing how you feel, a man will simply SHUT DOWN and back even further away from you.
A man has to have HIS OWN REASONS for wanting to do all the things that make you happy and keep your relationship strong.
You can never, ever, ever tell a man how to feel or act – just as a man should never do this with you.
But you can INSPIRE a man, and you can share what it is that you like, love and want.
And therein lies the secret of having a relationship where the man in your life is irresistibly attracted and devoted to you.
Fortunately, there’s a way to ask for what you need that will have him WANTING to give you more.
This way is not about ENTITLEMENT, blaming or demands…
But by INVITING him, by opening up and making it very easy for him to give you want you want. (Men love nothing more than feeling like it’s easy for them to make you happy as a woman- but only when they feel like it’s THEIR CHOICE.)
Wow. Sounds complicated and like it’s too much work.
It’s dumb-easy once you know how.
You can start to create these powerful shifts in the way your man responds to you simply by changing the way you phrase things.
Instead of saying, “I need you to…”
You can say, “It would really make me feel loved if you were to…”
I can’t tell you how much most women resist doing this because they think it’s silly. but when they finally speak the words they work like MAGIC.
Instead of telling him, “You should really need to (do this or that)”…
You can invite him by saying, “It would really make me happy if you would (doing this or that).”
It doesn’t take much to shift your energy and become more inviting and therefore INSPIRE your man to want to give you more of what you want and need.
If you’re not convinced, think back to a time when you felt hurt or angry and you closed off to your man. You blamed him. You didn’t talk to him for hours or days. You criticized and demanded.
How did he respond?
Did he become more generous and tender with you?
Or did he become defensive or distant?
I think you’ll realize that the energy you bring to your relationship has a HUGE effect on what you get out of it.
In this program, I reveal a simple but profound TRUTH about getting back the love and devotion you used to have with a man.
In order to turn a troubled relationship around, chances are you need to get back to the relaxed, feminine woman you used to be before things got really tense and draining between you.
Problems in relationships tend to accumulate over time and build up a lot of fear, anger or resentment.
One reason it can seem so difficult to move forward and get through the hard times is because of all that built-up fear and negative emotion.
Getting back to the “real you” and getting back in touch with the relaxed, feminine woman you used to be is very important.
If you wonder if maybe you’ve put parts of yourself aside in order to protect or save your relationship with your man, and you want to do something important and positive for YOURSELF for a change…
Something that will actually change the quality of your relationship in an amazing way…
Then I recommend you try out my iBook.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love,