Skip to content

Attraction Works Different for a Man than it does for a Woman

February 1, 2010

What kind of attitude is absolutely irresistible to a man when he first meets a woman?
It’s the attitude that tells him you’re both fun-loving and that you have a great, full life.

It’s an attitude of openness, and a certain kind of easygoing and relaxed demeanour. It’s knowing that you have a lot of interesting things going on in your life, and although you’d LOVE to share your life with a special man, you don’t NEED a man to make your life worthwhile.

I call this the “Playful and Independent” attitude.
And it is hugely ATTRACTIVE to a man.  I want to share some quick and easy things you can do to make sure that when you meet a man, you guys really connect and turn it into something more.

I’ll explain how this “attitude” works, and why men find it so attractive in a woman by starting here – I want you to imagine for a second what it’s like to be a single, successful, attractive man, who is your own age.

Pick a man you might already know… or just make one up in your head. But get a clear picture of this man in your mind.

Now that you’ve got this single attractive man in your mind, I want you to imagine what life is like for him as a SINGLE MAN. He has a great life, lots of friends, and enjoys many aspects of his life from travel to work to sports.
He even has a lot of fun “dating”, getting to know great women, and sharing and connecting in new and different ways with the women he meets.

All in all, this man really has his life together, and he doesn’t often feel like he’s “missing” anything.

He enjoys the intimate times that he has spent with women, and he hasn’t yet had a woman who has made him feel like he HAD TO have a serious and committed relationship yet.

Now, with this picture in mind… What do you guess it’s like to be a man who’s a great “catch,” and then going out with women and try to get to know them?

Picture this now…

What is it like for this single attractive man when he goes out and meets women?
What are the women like who he comes across, meets, and goes on dates with?
What do most of these women have in common?
What do they say and do with him once they see how great he is?

And how do they act as a result of recognizing this great man and wanting him all to themselves? Are they all fun, laid-back, easygoing, and as carefree as he is?

Or are they different than they were with him at first? I think you know where I’m going with this.
For the rare single attractive man out there… finding and meeting a great woman who also has her act together on every level is NOT EASY.

In fact, for lots of men, they feel frustrated the same way lots of women do – They feel like there’s just no “normal” women out there.

And this frustration is only made worse when a single man finally thinks he’s met a woman who he thinks is great….
Because after a few dates, something strange and uncomfortable often happens. The woman he met who SEEMED mature, healthy, and who had a full life of her own, suddenly starts acting different.

Instead of enjoying the PROCESS of getting to know one another and seeing where things are going…
Her attitude and her behavior change…  Suddenly she’s tense…. Suddenly she’s anxious and uncertain…  And suddenly she is asking for answers from the man about what’s going on, when he just feels like he’s barely getting to know her.

And this is where the man feels a complete “disconnect” both physically and emotionally, and sees that this must not be the right woman for him.

He’s thinking – “If she’s acting this way within the first few weeks… imagine what’s down the road!?”
What’s going on here? To make a long story short, in these situations a man’s response is all too common:

That means he STOPS CALLING, he stops asking the woman out, and he’s no longer interested in getting to know her.
Which of course is the worst possible thing a man could do to a woman who’s already wondering what’s going on with him… and it makes her feel even more freaked out.

And it’s here where things can go from bad to worse for some women.
Instead of seeing that their desire to know what a man is feeling or wanting has pushed him away early on…
They actually start trying harder to get him to open up to them and give them answers.
(As though the man is the one who’s in control!)

They call, they email, and they sound totally freaked out or upset when they finally do talk to him – which only makes things worse. The situation I described doesn’t paint a very pretty picture of what happens for some women when they start dating a man.

The strange truth is, I’ve seen very smart and amazing women who are usually calm, loving, and “centered” turn into freaked-out, “needy”, panic-stricken women. It’s not because they aren’t great women. It’s just that they let their FEARS and NEGATIVE EMOTIONS take over and get in their way.

If any of the above sounds familiar, or you’ve experienced any of the following below, then knowing more about how men see “dating” and why and when they will want a relationship could really help you:

-A man doesn’t call back and you have NO IDEA why

-You go on 2 or 3 great dates and get physical with a man, then you have what feels like a “strange” talk and he stops calling

-A man suddenly goes from seeing you as a fun and fantastic woman to seeing you as more of a friend he isn’t interested in

-You say something about where your “dating” is headed and he closes off and never opens up again

Any of these sound familiar to you?
Then I want you to stop right now.
Odds are, you’re a great women but you’re making mistakes with men that you aren’t even AWARE OF.

Don’t let this happen to you, when just a few simple and easy tips will help a man see you for the great woman you are inside.


I’m going to get to the point here on this one. What is the quick and easy way to have a man wanting more with you once you’ve met and been on a few dates?

Well, as I’ve said, from the start – on just the first few dates – a man is silently making a whole lot of subtle and UNCONSCIOUS DECISIONS about you and who he thinks you are.

If you make some of the obvious mistakes that throw off his wrong-woman “radar”… then he is going to quickly stop wanting to see you and stop calling. Avoiding mistakes that ruin the start of what could be a great relationship – mistakes that too many other women make – is the first thing to keep in mind.

But let’s talk more about things to do and say with a man.
If you’ve met a man, and you’re unsure about where things are going, then there’s really only one thing to keep in mind if you like this guy:


Now, there’s been a whole lot of talk about attraction in the world lately.
So I want to give a quick definition of what I mean when I say “attraction.”

Attraction is that magic emotion that we feel when someone enters our heart and mind in a way we can’t really explain with words.

Attraction from a man’s perspective is something that reaches deep inside him and stirs up emotions he doesn’t understand and didn’t know he could feel.

And when he FEELS ATTRACTION for a woman, he no longer uses his “logical” mind to decide what he wants when it comes to love and relationships.

Attraction takes over and causes him to start acting and making decisions with his HEART instead of his MIND.
Starting to get a better sense of what attraction really is?

Now, how do you CREATE ATTRACTION inside a man so that he starts to use less of his MIND and more of his HEART with you?..  Good question. The first key to ATTRACTION is to have an element of UNPREDICTABILITY to you and the time you spend with a man.

See… most men, especially older ones, have seen and done a lot of things with women.
And unfortunately, as a result, lots of these men have started to assume that most women are the same when it comes to love and relationships.

When you show up and a man can’t fit you neatly into his categories of women he knows and does or doesn’t like… you very quickly have a man’s ATTENTION.

But getting a man’s attention is just the first step.
The second step is to turn his attention into INTEREST.

To do this, I’ve found that most women who men feel comfortable with and see as “relationship  material” and fall for, are women who have a certain attitude in common.

I mentioned call this attitude “Playful & Independent.”
If a man is going to even start to consider a woman for a relationship… then there HAS TO BE a playful element to the way you are together.

In short, without this, a man won’t feel that being in a relationship with you would simply be and stay FUN.

And us men, being the simple creatures we are, have to believe that the things we commit to more of in the future will be FUN for us. Of course, the other element of this female attitude men are naturally attracted to for relationships, is Independence.

In short, when a woman communicates that she has a great life of her own, it is VERY ATTRACTIVE to a man.
Reason being, a man would feel comfortable getting into a real committed relationship with a woman who is Independent because he doesn’t have to worry about becoming “everything” to her – about becoming the one person in the world who has to try and make her happy.

Think of it this way…
When a man senses that a woman is unhappy but wants a relationship to try and become more happy, how does he respond? Exactly.

He RUNS from the relationship as fast as he can.
But here’s THE STRANGEST PART – When a man finally feels like he’s found that
right woman who has a great life he can share in and enjoy…

Then a man will want nothing more than to try and make this woman happy.
So how do you communicate that you’re this kind of fun, playful and independent woman who doesn’t NEED a man to take care of her… but who wants to share a great life?

The short answer is that you don’t just come out and say “I’m independent and playful.”
You SHOW a man that you’re this way with your ACTIONS.

With men, ACTIONS are the simplest and easiest way to connect and start sharing a meaningful relationship.
For instance… Let’s say a man doesn’t call for a day or two and you’re wondering what’s going on.

You might do the following:

A) Call him and ask him why he hasn’t called, and let him know that it hurt your feelings


B) Wait for him to call you and then act weird and try to pretend nothing is wrong

Of course, if you’ve done either of these you know that they will get you nowhere fast with a man, and mess things up bad.

What else could you do? Well…
Instead of calling, or waiting for him to call and showing him that you were waiting and worrying…

Here’s an opportunity to show through your ACTIONS that you have a great life of your own and that great Playful & Independent attitude – You could either:

A) Call him and invite him to do something fun and exciting that he wouldn’t expect


B) Wait for him to call and then be genuinely happy and excited to hear from him

Now, you might not understand the difference in these two… and feel like there is an element of “game-playing”, or acting like someone you’re not.

To that I would say this:  If I had a CHOICE in my life, which I do… I would choose to do things that EXCITE and INSPIRE OTHERS.

If you have a CHOICE in your life, which you do…
You would do well to do things that EXCITE and INSPIRE MEN (e.g.- creating attraction).

Now, there is a catch here…
To be a woman who CHOOSES to be Playful & Independent… you actually have to have these be parts of your life.
You actually have to have PLAY and PLAYFULNESS as part of your own life.

You actually have to be Independent and sure of yourself enough to not need a man to call for you to have a great time in your life.

You’re starting to see the difference here.
Once you are living the life you want that is also the kind of fun and exciting life that a man would be drawn to and want to be a part of, then a few things will happen:

1) You will start becoming more “Playful & Independent” without even thinking about it

2) You will stop doing the things you used to do that turned men off to the idea of a relationship with you

3) You will make a great man feel that intense gut-level ATTRACTION for you because you will be doing UNPREDICTABLE things that make you stand out as different from any other woman he’s met

Would all this be something you’re interested in having in your life right now?

Does making it easy for yourself to draw that special man to you sound good?
Then I want to help, in 2 easy ways.

The 1st Way) From The Inside Out

You might have recognized some things that you are doing that end up sabotaging your relationships.

That might be losing your composure with men on an emotional level…

Or it might be simply not feeling comfortable and confident enough to put yourself out there and let a man see you for who you really are on the inside.

If you’re struggling and fighting against yourself and your own thoughts and feelings…  And you’d like to quickly move past all this and free yourself from the kinds of unhealthy relationships you’ve been having in the past…

Then I’d suggest starting your path towards more playfulness and independence in your life by taking things from the INSIDE OUT.

Once you take care of what’s going on inside, the outside will take care of itself.

Clear out the mental and emotional blocks that have kept you in bad relationships, and get back in touch with that loving, open and irresistible woman inside you, who the right man will naturally be drawn to…

The 2nd Way) From The Outside In
You might be in a great place in your life, but you’re just not finding that you’re drawing the right man to you for a lasting relationship.

This isn’t an uncommon situation for women these days. Even for great, successful, beautiful women who have amazing lives of their own and lots to offer a man. Here’s the thing…

You can be the most amazing woman in the world, but if you don’t know how to catch a man’s interest for the right reasons… and help him connect to you on a deeper level, then it’s going to be almost impossible to find the relationship you really want.

Don’t keep wasting your precious time waiting for a man to recognize all the beauty that’s inside you –
When it’s easier than you might think to make a man take notice and open up his heart just by saying a few of the “right things” that tug on his heartstrings.

I touched on the first way to do this – to be more UNPREDICTABLE with him.

This is just ONE of the SIX KEYS to creating what I call “Emotional Attraction” with a man. To find out the other 5 KEYS, and to know what attracts a man on a deeper, more EMOTIONAL LEVEL that goes BEYOND JUST PHYSICAL DESIRE… then you need to check out the program I put  together to show you how attraction works for
a man.

Attraction works different for a man than it does for a woman.

Check out my BOOK.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: